There was a period of about four days last week where I stood back and noticed that Harper had mellowed a little, explosive tantrums were minimal, she was happily carrying out tasks and I even witnessed a few play periods were Harper and Finn were genuinely and lovingly getting along. It was four days and those four day have now gone.
I used to wonder what all my friend’s were talking about when they recounted their child’s tantrums when Finn was a two year old. Tantrums were never part of his make up. We were blessed by this by-passing of the ordinary toddler tantrum phase. It certainly wasn’t due to any wondrous parenting strategies we were employing, he just didn’t express his frustrations this way. Then Harper, who has been different to Finn in more ways than I can recall, turned two and we quickly joined the ranks of all the parents of two year olds who are navigating (and trying to survive) the force that is “the tantrum”.
I’m a self-confessed parenting book devotee. I read to try and understand what my children are going through, what stages they are up to and how the heck I can try and help them through it. The thing is on an educational level I understand why tantrums occur, I work so hard to using positive discipline strategies to help Harper through them and there are days that I feel we are getting there, making breakthroughs however small. All of these things however, do not eliminate the fact that this stage has been so exhausting for me, for Lachie, for our family. Exhausting.
Here's hoping the next four day respite isn't too far away.....
Oh Amber.. I hope these past swiftly. The Tantrum is probably the most exhausting isn't it? I would rather sleepless nights then the horrific ten thousand tantrum throws Avie has every day.
ReplyDeleteSending you love and hugs, friend xxx
That is a beautiful photo. I hope the tantrum stage passes quickly for you. We have a very strong willed and moody three year old and it can get exhausting but I love the days that are tantrum free and you can cherish and celebrate the days or moment of joy.
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you mean. I think positive parenting strategies have a slower effect time but a better result in the long run. But it is hard. Really hard. I don't blame you for being exhausted!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing everything you can Amber, and I am sure deep down Harper knows that. She knows how strong you can be for her, that you are her rock and therefore she shows her emotions to you freely. It's a hard ask to carry someone else's fears and strong emotions every day but I guess that is part of our role as mother. Annnnnd one of the reasons we have those days where we just want to jump in the car and leave it all behind us.
You're doing good mama, Harper will (and already is) be an amazing woman one day. And your wonderful parenting will have totally contributed to that. Thank you for always being strong enough to share your challenges with us, do you find it feels a bit better to get it all out on paper (so to speak!)?
Amber that is a gorgeous photo of Harper such a little cutie. It's not something I mention a lot as most people think I'm nuts but we've been taking my girls to a pediatric chiropractor since they were born every 3 months (Ruby has an ongoing issue with her shoulder from birth) but if either of them are showing any temperamental changes we get an earlier appt and usually find there is something that is out of whack, either back, hip and sometimes even their cranium. It works almost instantly the very next day they wake up being well behaved little people again.
ReplyDeleteThank you Belinda for taking the time to talk me through what workd for your girls.
DeleteHarper visited an Osteo for quite some time after her birth (also dealing with birth issues + reflux) and I did seem some good results. Might be worth returning :)
Thanks again, I really appreciate your comment.
Amber, you are a model of patience in your parenting. Meaning that even when you arent, you probably took a lot longer to get there than most ;) You love your kids so much and that shows in the time you give them and the dedication you have in doing what you believe is best for them. Harper is a tough little lady who is blessed to have a tough little mama who loves her and wont give up on her. As i said last night, I like to think of it as kids who, rather than boundary-pushers, are kids who really want and need to know where the boundaries are. Keep showing her, keep loving her, you guys will all get there. You rock, btw! xx
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to chime in (late!) and say thanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how wearying constant conflict must be and how much you wish for the bright days in between!
I think you're pretty amazing :)
Thank you Sarah :)
DeleteI really appreciate your comment.
Amazing - no. trying hard to be a good mum - yes!