Documenting Delight: day two hundred and fifty four {milk medicine}

Entering Harper’s room to see her sitting on a stool with her baby, casually lifting her top up:

Me: What are you doing Harps?

H: My baby is sick.

Me: Oh that’s no good.

H: Yeah, I took her to the nurse. Nurse said give her boob, boob (breastmilk).

Documenting Delight: Day ninety {breastfeeding a toddler - how did I get here?}

Harper is 2 years and 4 months old and she is still breastfeeding. Sounds old right? Might sound odd to some too.  Before I had Harper, breastfeeding into toddlerhood wasn’t on my agenda. It was far from my plan, but we are here. So how did I come to be breastfeeding a toddler?

I have been beyond blessed by my babies seeming to know what they are doing as we began & continued our breastfeeding relationship. They latch on straight after birth and never seem to look back. On the technical side it has always been easy for me. Unlike some of my friends who have battled mastitis, sore nipples, lazy attachment, supply issues, I am one of the lucky ones. Sure, I have faced challenges along the way but nothing which caused me physical pain or decreased the confidence I had in my ability to feed my babies. I knew though, that most successful breastfeeding relationships aren’t  based on luck alone. While the beginning days and weeks unfolded naturally, as weeks turned into months I worked hard to keep my lucky start going. A complex combination of factors lead to a positive breastfeeding experience, and I feel grateful that whether they were the  elements that were there naturally or ones which I had to seek out and persist with, all my ducks lined up and I was left with not one but two positive breastfeeding experiences with my kids.

Finn stopped feeding when I was about 9 weeks pregnant with Harper. He was 13 months old. I had never set a goal for our breastfeeding relationship but when he refused to feed I was relieved as I was battling the normal first trimester tiredness.

Prior to Harper’s birth I completed a lot of reading on demand feeding and began hearing about Attachment Parenting. Unlike my experience with Finn’s baby days I wasn’t going to let the “Should Brigade” influence me (“Your baby should be sleeping through the night by now” , “Your baby should stop needing feeds over the night by six months” etc, etc). I set out to be an instinctual mother, to do what felt right for me, for my baby and my family.

Harper arrived and the attachment parenting style suited her perfectly. She was a snugly baby. A baby who didn’t like to go to sleep alone. A reflux baby who cried in pain and calmed down (marginally) when she was held. Breastfeeding was similar to my experience with Finn however this time I didn’t watch the clock, I fed Harper to sleep and I didn’t count nor worry about how many feeds she had had in a 24 hour period.

Breastfeeding Harper has never been connected with time. I didn't set myself an age for ending our breastfeeding relationship and to be honest I haven't thought much about her age in connection to her still breastfeeding. Harper isn't just an age, she is my baby who has gradually grown and changed whilst in my arms. While outsiders may see how old she is and question whether that is an acceptable age to be breastfeeding, I see nothing but her, Harper; a toddler who loves her mum and happens to love breastfeeding too.

My baby is no longer a baby but here I am breastfeeding her. It wasn’t my intention to continue to this point but my instincts kicked in and I am doing what feels right. It may not be right for society or for the majority of my friends but that is ok. When I go into my own little parenting bubble, when it is just her and I, I know that this just where we should be. Two years and four months and still breastfeeding.

Happy Second Birthday baby girl

Dear Harper May,

        The tradition is that I sit down on the eve of your birthday and write you a letter to sum up your year with us, reflecting on the person you are and the girl you are becoming. I’m a month late. It’s been a busy end to the year so please forgive me baby girl. You are now two years old. My wish for you to grow big and strong and healthy has been granted in your second year. Much like your fast development in your first year you have continued to gain skills at a remarkably fast pace again this year. It often seems that you reach milestones without us even noticing and when we make a fuss about it you look at us as if to say “ It’s no biggie”.  You walk, run, jump, hop and dance as if you have been doing so for decades. You are so at ease with your body and how it moves. No thought seems to go into how you piece all of it together. It just happens and it is a delight to watch.

Your language and communication has developed in a very different sequence to your big brother’s. While Finn was the master at labelling objects at a very young age, you were quite happy to listen to the noise of our household and then take us by surprise at around 18 months when you just began talking clearly and confidently. Never a fan of repeating words, you would just go about your business and casually drop new words as you played. Now as you hit 25 months you hold your own in our family conversations and discussions and always let us know how you feel (sometimes not always verbally though – cue tantrums ;)).

The big part of your year would have to be your connection with me, your “Mumma Bear”. From birth you have been the most deliciously affectionate baby. I have held you, worn you, slept by your side for the majority of the past two years. While you love your Daddy dearly, you rarely let me out of your sight and to put it lightly you can get quite distressed if we are separated.  It has been a vastly different experience to our parenting approach with your brother Finn. While I knew before you arrived that we would do things differently, follow our instincts more, take your lead as much as possible I didn’t realise how much this new “way” would change me as a parent and as an individual. I feel as though you were given to me as a teacher, to teach me to slow down, reflect more and accept challenges without anger and resentment but with patience and gratitude. Let’s just get it out there, you haven’t been blessed with the sleeping gene. You don’t settle easily to sleep and you don’t like to stay asleep, never have, possibly never will. There are days where I cry in frustration and then there times when I just go with it and soldier on. More than anything I have accepted this part of your babyhood/toddlerhood. While my days and nights would be a whole lot easier if you slept peacefully I don’t think I would have gained the added strength I needed to get through these hard sleeping phases and found ways to view your sleep issues as something beyond a problem to be “solved.”

You continue to breastfeed and quite frankly you love it much more than I do. Apparently my milk is better than ice-cream. I have tried this diversion tactic and my boobs won.  I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. Huge. However I never imagined that I would be feeding any of my children into their toddler years. I didn’t oppose it, I just didn’t think it was for me. There are many parts of breastfeeding you that I struggle with, yet so many that I love. Feeding beyond 12 months in this country is not super common and I often feel that I need to hide the fact that I am still feeding you from the general public. I seek support in this area from online groups who share my views on extending feeding and a small collection of friends who also feed beyond the one year mark. Despite my frustrations, I continue, not because I am a martyr but because it is part of you and a strong force in our relationship. I will not take it away until I know you are ready and will part from it with ease and comfort.

Born on the first day in December you are our Summer baby through and through. You have bought and continue to bring sunshine into our family. You melt us with your warm sayings (“Let’s snuggle up tight”) and make us thankful for all that you have taught us.

Keep growing big and strong baby girl.

Love, Mumma Bear. xx