Documenting Delight: day one hundred and thirty four {mother's day}

A Mother’s Day full of special moments and surprises. A sleep in, flowers from the Grower’s Markets, a card with messages from Finn and Harper, a walk through our suburb, lunch out, a bus ride home (well, that was more for the transport lover in this house) and cuddles.

It is hard for me to eloquently express what it means to be to be a Mother. I am learning that it doesn’t define me, in the sense that I am slowly finding ways to find and explore things that I love that are separate from my role as a parent. Being a mother does stretch far and wide in my life; it pushes me to look at who am I and how the way I look after myself, view myself and respond to others affects my children. Motherhood has taught me to slow down, to be a strong and capable adult but also to take the time to view the world with the same playfulness and innocence my children do, to strengthen the relationship I have with myself and those I love and to see joy in the quiet, simple moments in my daily life. I accept that I will be in a continual state of learning as I walk alongside my children, never perfect but always striving to be a good, kind and loving Mum.

This day, while special to me, is far from all about solely me as a mother. It is about my own special Mum and the positive impact she has had on my life and my parenting. It’s about the fellow mothers who enrich my life and give support and inspire me. It’s also a day where my thoughts are with friends and family members who are no longer able to celebrate with their own mothers and with those who long to be mothers themselves. 

This day is also about my own children, the two precious little ones who made me a Mother. Finn and Harper, I love being your Mumma Bear. Thank you for making me feel special today. x

{special thanks to Lachie for being the chief photographer today. you put up with all my demands ("are all the focal points lighting up?" "just take another one...ok maybe one more") with good grace. I adore the moments you captured today and all the assistance you gave Finn & Harper to make this a special day for me.}

Documenting Delight: day one hundred and thirty {growing independence}

Things have been changing around here. My little girl who I could not leave, who would collapse to the ground in tears when I would announce that I was popping down to the shops and her Daddy would be looking after her, has had a turn around. In the past month she has happily parted from me, sometimes (*gasps*) without a sideways glace and barely a muttered “Bye, mum”.

For the past two and a half years Harper has been my near constant companion. She is far from a shy child and when in the presence of other children or adults she would happily play and chat but I needed to be there, not next to but within view. Most of the time I would marvel at the love she gave to me, the security she found in me, but then there were times where I would feel trapped and just plain longed to leave her for a coffee date without feeling like I had traumatised her.

A common myth regarding Attachment Parenting is that it creates clingy, dependent children. Yes, I have kept Harper close in her early years and she has needed this closeness but her sudden switch from dependence to independence has highlighted that Attachment Parenting can in fact help our children become secure, independent individuals when allowed to do so in their own time.

Today I left Harper with my lovely friend Kate so I could have a child free morning. Kate needed to remind Harper that she may like to give me a goodbye cuddle before they departed. She left at ease. No screaming, no “Muuuuuuuuuuuma!”. Wow.

So there I was with three hours to myself. It’s quite incredible what you can achieve without two toddlers in tow isn’t it? A trip to ALDI, parcels to the post office, phone calls made, a whole coffee sipped whilst sitting down, a chapter  read, emails sent and a washing load in the machine. I felt so productive but also it was incredibly relaxing.

{a things to do list, take away coffee, a book and just MYSELF}

When I picked Harper up I could hear loud noises coming from Kate’s house. Oh no, she is crying! Not the case at all. More like laughing (possibly at “funny baby Eli”). Phew! She had a great morning with Kate, completely at ease with someone else taking care of her. Wow again.

And just to add a little icing to a brilliant morning, I received a gift from Kate. It’s not my birthday, just an unexpected and thoroughly thoughtful gift from a wonderful friend. I now have a copy of Kelle Hampton’s memoir Bloom. Kate and I have been following her blog for quite some time, and I am touched that Kate purchased a copy especially for me. Kate started her copy during her recent Mama’s 24hr retreat and now I can begin mine. 

My baby is growing and changing, a good book awaits me and a friend made my day. A blessed morning it was.

Happy Second Birthday baby girl

Dear Harper May,

        The tradition is that I sit down on the eve of your birthday and write you a letter to sum up your year with us, reflecting on the person you are and the girl you are becoming. I’m a month late. It’s been a busy end to the year so please forgive me baby girl. You are now two years old. My wish for you to grow big and strong and healthy has been granted in your second year. Much like your fast development in your first year you have continued to gain skills at a remarkably fast pace again this year. It often seems that you reach milestones without us even noticing and when we make a fuss about it you look at us as if to say “ It’s no biggie”.  You walk, run, jump, hop and dance as if you have been doing so for decades. You are so at ease with your body and how it moves. No thought seems to go into how you piece all of it together. It just happens and it is a delight to watch.

Your language and communication has developed in a very different sequence to your big brother’s. While Finn was the master at labelling objects at a very young age, you were quite happy to listen to the noise of our household and then take us by surprise at around 18 months when you just began talking clearly and confidently. Never a fan of repeating words, you would just go about your business and casually drop new words as you played. Now as you hit 25 months you hold your own in our family conversations and discussions and always let us know how you feel (sometimes not always verbally though – cue tantrums ;)).

The big part of your year would have to be your connection with me, your “Mumma Bear”. From birth you have been the most deliciously affectionate baby. I have held you, worn you, slept by your side for the majority of the past two years. While you love your Daddy dearly, you rarely let me out of your sight and to put it lightly you can get quite distressed if we are separated.  It has been a vastly different experience to our parenting approach with your brother Finn. While I knew before you arrived that we would do things differently, follow our instincts more, take your lead as much as possible I didn’t realise how much this new “way” would change me as a parent and as an individual. I feel as though you were given to me as a teacher, to teach me to slow down, reflect more and accept challenges without anger and resentment but with patience and gratitude. Let’s just get it out there, you haven’t been blessed with the sleeping gene. You don’t settle easily to sleep and you don’t like to stay asleep, never have, possibly never will. There are days where I cry in frustration and then there times when I just go with it and soldier on. More than anything I have accepted this part of your babyhood/toddlerhood. While my days and nights would be a whole lot easier if you slept peacefully I don’t think I would have gained the added strength I needed to get through these hard sleeping phases and found ways to view your sleep issues as something beyond a problem to be “solved.”

You continue to breastfeed and quite frankly you love it much more than I do. Apparently my milk is better than ice-cream. I have tried this diversion tactic and my boobs won.  I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. Huge. However I never imagined that I would be feeding any of my children into their toddler years. I didn’t oppose it, I just didn’t think it was for me. There are many parts of breastfeeding you that I struggle with, yet so many that I love. Feeding beyond 12 months in this country is not super common and I often feel that I need to hide the fact that I am still feeding you from the general public. I seek support in this area from online groups who share my views on extending feeding and a small collection of friends who also feed beyond the one year mark. Despite my frustrations, I continue, not because I am a martyr but because it is part of you and a strong force in our relationship. I will not take it away until I know you are ready and will part from it with ease and comfort.

Born on the first day in December you are our Summer baby through and through. You have bought and continue to bring sunshine into our family. You melt us with your warm sayings (“Let’s snuggle up tight”) and make us thankful for all that you have taught us.

Keep growing big and strong baby girl.

Love, Mumma Bear. xx