Documenting Delight: day one hundred and thirty {growing independence}

Things have been changing around here. My little girl who I could not leave, who would collapse to the ground in tears when I would announce that I was popping down to the shops and her Daddy would be looking after her, has had a turn around. In the past month she has happily parted from me, sometimes (*gasps*) without a sideways glace and barely a muttered “Bye, mum”.

For the past two and a half years Harper has been my near constant companion. She is far from a shy child and when in the presence of other children or adults she would happily play and chat but I needed to be there, not next to but within view. Most of the time I would marvel at the love she gave to me, the security she found in me, but then there were times where I would feel trapped and just plain longed to leave her for a coffee date without feeling like I had traumatised her.

A common myth regarding Attachment Parenting is that it creates clingy, dependent children. Yes, I have kept Harper close in her early years and she has needed this closeness but her sudden switch from dependence to independence has highlighted that Attachment Parenting can in fact help our children become secure, independent individuals when allowed to do so in their own time.

Today I left Harper with my lovely friend Kate so I could have a child free morning. Kate needed to remind Harper that she may like to give me a goodbye cuddle before they departed. She left at ease. No screaming, no “Muuuuuuuuuuuma!”. Wow.

So there I was with three hours to myself. It’s quite incredible what you can achieve without two toddlers in tow isn’t it? A trip to ALDI, parcels to the post office, phone calls made, a whole coffee sipped whilst sitting down, a chapter  read, emails sent and a washing load in the machine. I felt so productive but also it was incredibly relaxing.

{a things to do list, take away coffee, a book and just MYSELF}

When I picked Harper up I could hear loud noises coming from Kate’s house. Oh no, she is crying! Not the case at all. More like laughing (possibly at “funny baby Eli”). Phew! She had a great morning with Kate, completely at ease with someone else taking care of her. Wow again.

And just to add a little icing to a brilliant morning, I received a gift from Kate. It’s not my birthday, just an unexpected and thoroughly thoughtful gift from a wonderful friend. I now have a copy of Kelle Hampton’s memoir Bloom. Kate and I have been following her blog for quite some time, and I am touched that Kate purchased a copy especially for me. Kate started her copy during her recent Mama’s 24hr retreat and now I can begin mine. 

My baby is growing and changing, a good book awaits me and a friend made my day. A blessed morning it was.

Documenting Delight: Day ninety {breastfeeding a toddler - how did I get here?}

Harper is 2 years and 4 months old and she is still breastfeeding. Sounds old right? Might sound odd to some too.  Before I had Harper, breastfeeding into toddlerhood wasn’t on my agenda. It was far from my plan, but we are here. So how did I come to be breastfeeding a toddler?

I have been beyond blessed by my babies seeming to know what they are doing as we began & continued our breastfeeding relationship. They latch on straight after birth and never seem to look back. On the technical side it has always been easy for me. Unlike some of my friends who have battled mastitis, sore nipples, lazy attachment, supply issues, I am one of the lucky ones. Sure, I have faced challenges along the way but nothing which caused me physical pain or decreased the confidence I had in my ability to feed my babies. I knew though, that most successful breastfeeding relationships aren’t  based on luck alone. While the beginning days and weeks unfolded naturally, as weeks turned into months I worked hard to keep my lucky start going. A complex combination of factors lead to a positive breastfeeding experience, and I feel grateful that whether they were the  elements that were there naturally or ones which I had to seek out and persist with, all my ducks lined up and I was left with not one but two positive breastfeeding experiences with my kids.

Finn stopped feeding when I was about 9 weeks pregnant with Harper. He was 13 months old. I had never set a goal for our breastfeeding relationship but when he refused to feed I was relieved as I was battling the normal first trimester tiredness.

Prior to Harper’s birth I completed a lot of reading on demand feeding and began hearing about Attachment Parenting. Unlike my experience with Finn’s baby days I wasn’t going to let the “Should Brigade” influence me (“Your baby should be sleeping through the night by now” , “Your baby should stop needing feeds over the night by six months” etc, etc). I set out to be an instinctual mother, to do what felt right for me, for my baby and my family.

Harper arrived and the attachment parenting style suited her perfectly. She was a snugly baby. A baby who didn’t like to go to sleep alone. A reflux baby who cried in pain and calmed down (marginally) when she was held. Breastfeeding was similar to my experience with Finn however this time I didn’t watch the clock, I fed Harper to sleep and I didn’t count nor worry about how many feeds she had had in a 24 hour period.

Breastfeeding Harper has never been connected with time. I didn't set myself an age for ending our breastfeeding relationship and to be honest I haven't thought much about her age in connection to her still breastfeeding. Harper isn't just an age, she is my baby who has gradually grown and changed whilst in my arms. While outsiders may see how old she is and question whether that is an acceptable age to be breastfeeding, I see nothing but her, Harper; a toddler who loves her mum and happens to love breastfeeding too.

My baby is no longer a baby but here I am breastfeeding her. It wasn’t my intention to continue to this point but my instincts kicked in and I am doing what feels right. It may not be right for society or for the majority of my friends but that is ok. When I go into my own little parenting bubble, when it is just her and I, I know that this just where we should be. Two years and four months and still breastfeeding.