Friday 5 October 2012

Documenting Delight: day two hundred and seventy nine {coping with change}

There is something that I haven’t mentioned on this blog before, something that has been a big deal for my family. A few months ago my baby, my Harper May, started daycare one day a week. It might sound quite ridiculous that I have been afraid to talk about it in this forum. Plus, it’s only one day right? Why? Well, I have been in denial that it is actually happening, that it signals that this precious time of having my kids at home with me full time is coming to an end, that I am edging closer to returning to work, but mainly that it has been such a difficult transition for my little one to make and thinking about it, let alone writing about it has been hard for me.
So here we are a few months in and Harper is doing ok. Entirely settled in? No. Completely happy with the arrangement? Again, no. The fact is that I’m not completely happy about it either but I know deep down that gently transitioning her now, before I return to work next year, is a much better option for her and me. So, each week we keep plugging away. Daddy drops her off in the mornings and after rest time Finn and I pick her up. She is in good hands. She has made strong bonds with a few of her carers and talks positively about her time at school. I still get a lump in my throat when I pick her up and she begins sobbing at the sight of me, as if the relief of knowing yes I did come back is so huge. Boy that part isn’t fun. But I do come back and after lots of kisses and cuddles and me telling her I missed her and her replying But I missed YOU! we go back to the way things were.
Yes it hasn’t been easy but if I look for the positives ( I like to do that!) it has carved out a regular time for Finn to get some one on one time with me. Which he needs. Most of the time he just likes to have a home day when Harper is at daycare, soaking up the quiet and relishing time in the playroom where he can play with his toys alone (no sharing, yep he likes that) but then there are days where he is happy to go on a little mummy + finn adventure. Today we took a bus ride into the city to see what took our fancy. I let Finn decide what he wanted to do once we arrived (by bus of coarse. My boy loves a bit of public transport!). So it went like this; a date scone at 'Baker’s Delight', a play in the toy store, a sculpture hunt and a merry-go-round ride.
Just before our home bus was due to arrive I quickly ducked into 'Cotton On' to pick up Spring pjs for the kids. While I was finding their sizes I glaced over at Finn who was having a conversation with himself in the full length mirror:

(Nodding at his reflection, with a big smile on his face)
"I am having a Finn and Mummy day today. Yes I am."
Love that boy.
 
{finn loves this sculpture. he calls it the "men with no necks sculpture"}
 
{bus ride home. finn will just about read anywhere!}
 
{after daycare pick up}
 
{each week harper comes home with a new hairstyle. her carers do her hair as a way of calming her tears}
 

10 comments:

  1. ok, blame the pregnancy hormones but this beautiful post made me quite teary! perhaps because I know how hard this transition has been for both of you - but you have done it so gently and i totally agree its a great idea to slowly introduce her w just one day while you are able to support her fully on both sides before you also have work to contend with next year. you are doing a great job and Harper is going to be just fine - um how adorable is her hair and what a lovely thing for them to do!!! i might send lily there just for the hair do :)
    As for finn - oh so heart melting - i just know how much this quiet day at home or out w you would mean to him. Especially as (tear!!) our big kids transition to full time school, to have time to build such special memories and have such quiet quality time w him is just incredibly precious. lovely stuff, amber! xx

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    1. Oh no I didn't want anyone to cry over this! Especially a pregnant woman who sometimes may not have control over her hormones! Eeek! Yes Harper will be fine and I will be fine but it has still been a big step for us both (much like the months after sending Finn to Playschool for the first time).
      EVERYONE who has older children told me that the time before they start goes to school zooms by - isn't that the truth!
      Thanks for your lovely comment Kate :)

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  2. A day care with awesome hairdressing? Sounds wonderful!

    Sorry to hear you (and she) are having such a tough time with the transition. As a child-carer who been on the receiving end of parents and children suffering separation anxiety AND a mum who has left her child occasionally, I totally get where you are coming from. It's not easy for anyone. I hope it gets easier for you all soon. Sounds like Finn is enjoying his 'Mummy days' though. Sweet boy. :)

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    1. I know, the hairdressing element really surprised me too! But it does show that her carers tune into the interests of the children (Harper LOVES people doing her hair).
      Thanks so much for your supportive comment Tarnya. Good to know I am not alone (or strange) for feeling this way :)

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  3. I can imagine that this is a difficult transition time for both of you. It makes my heart sad for you both. I wish every Mommy who longed to stay home with their littles was able to do so, but I know that it's not possible for everyone. I hope that it gets easier soon.

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    1. I wish that too Lisa. I am fortunate that Harper has been at home with me for 2.5 years. It is so hard to let go when you're not ready!
      Thanks for your lovely comment :)

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  4. Aw, I had tears in my eyes too. You're such a loving mama, Amber, and it's evident every time you post about your children. It sounds like you're doing all you can to make this transition as easy as possible, and I'm sorry it's been hard on you both. What empathetic carers Harper has, doing her hair to help distract and calm her is such a sweet idea.

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    1. Nicole, you always leave the most supportive and kind comments for me. I am always touched that you take the time to look and comment on my photos/post. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

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  5. Amber, you are such a great Mum. It is always clear that you put your children first, and I know that although this is has been a challenge for your family, it is a positive transition (though some moments may not seem like it!). Keep being the strong and positive person you are :)

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    1. You are so lovely Sally. Thank you for your encouragement and generous words for me :) xxx

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